A friend sent me the picture above this week and funny enough it waswhile I was out shopping for some last minute things for my trip down south. It was a first time in a really long timethat I felt good while shopping for a bathing suit and some summer clothes butthe thing is…it’s not cause I’m my ideal size (cause that’s still quite a waysaway) but it was because something inside me is different. Something in me finally recognizes that I amwho I am and I’m still a work in progress and I’ve said goodbye to the old meand I don’t plan on ever seeing her again!
I tried on a bunch of stuff and not everything looked good or fit right but it didn’t get me down becauseI am beautiful and it’s not just because of what I look like…it’s about who Iam. I’ve started to come into my ownagain and way more relaxed, fun and actually funnier than I thought I was…howeverI’ve had several embarasing moments at work this week because of it…sending anemail to your whole office about salad club and comparing it to interactiveadult show and tell…well…..that’s probably not a good idea….just saying.
Something happened this week in me that just sort of broke off more of thepast and more of the pain and rejection I’ve been feeling due to all the thingsgoing on in life. I can’t even explain whyor what happened cause nothing major actually happened, it was just somethingin my heart. I’m walking taller andholding my head up high and I’m still pushing through. I feel strong and I’m not sure I’ve ever feltthis strength before. It’s prettycool. I still have some pretty big goalsto accomplish but I’ll get there in time and I’m just going to take it one dayat a time. The other interestng thing is that I’m in this state where I feel like I’mjust supposed to ‘be still’ like Psalm 46:10 says. This was a verse that I was given a few monthsago by 4 or 5 people who didn’t know each other – all in the same week! So I think God was trying to say something tome…ya think? Only thing is…I had no ideawhat that meant – you say – Sarah, it is a pretty easy statement to understand,there aren’t even a lot of words to comprehend there. Well ya… you’d think I’d get it quickily butseriously….I googled ‘how to be still’ – triying to figure out how you actuallygo about that or try and find a book to read about it…well there is no suchbook and well, 3 months later I finally got it….and well that’s what I’m doing.
I pretty much am just sitting back and letting God do things and notworrying, problem solving or trying to fix things on my own (for all those thatknow this is a huge feat…I’m not good at this and plan everything like a madwoman). Does it mean I sit at home doingnothing all day…no…it means that I go about my regular days – up at 6, headinto work, do my work thang (and work super hard of course – I do absolutlylove what I do) and then get home around 6. I commute 3 ½ hours a day but it gives me time to read my bible on thetrain and I get to walk 5k/day on my walk from union to work. And mostly, my evenings consist of workingout and hanging out with the fam – with mom being home healing from surgery (bythe way – it went well and she is cancer free…praise the Lord!!) . I’m inbed by 10ish and then I repeat the next day.
So most would say my days are full and that heck no that doesn’t actually looklike being still but it’s my heart that is still. It’s my heart that is waiting on God andputting my trust in Him. And, I’m justsitting back and watching him work. It’sstarting in small ways but they are getting bigger and I’m seeing prayersanswered that I never really expected to see which is pretty neat if you askme. And God is taking the pain I’ve beenthrough and the crappy things that have happened and giving me opportunity tospeak into other peoples lives – and these are situations that I have notsought you – people have come to me. Sothat’s pretty cool of God cause he’s already turning my ashes into somethingbeautiful (also one of my favourite verses and I recently just had this tattoedon me – covering up another tattoo so kind of funny and ironic).
My latest tattoo inspired by Isaiah 61 is on the left
For those who grew up with me...you're probably suprised how tattoo'd up I am...Yes this is my back...and yes i'm baring my curves for you all....
The other thing that is pretty new is this joy I have inside me. Most people would say I’m a pretty happyperson but there were a few years that there wasn’t much life in me. There was no passion, no joy, no excitement forlife (I know…hard to imagine, right? Cause now I just don’t shut up lol). Well, that’s changed too. I have so much to live for, I have so much tooffer and the possibilities are endless! I used to think that I’d get tothis state when everything in my life lined up – and when I had my own family,was at my goal weight, was at the top of my career, had all the money in theworld I’d want and so on. But acutallymy life right now has not accomplished any of those things…well I’d say mycareer is going really well but the others, well they’re still what I’mreaching for and you know what, I’m stil happy! I’d actually venture to say that I’m happier than I’ve ever been. My circumstances aren’t dictating my joy orlack of joy….if they were, I’d still be miserable with all that’s going on, havegone on or rather not going on and not solved.
One other interesting thing happened this week...talked to a guy I used to date a few years ago and he said something to me that impacted me so huge! I used to think I wanted to be known as beautiful or the hot girl and that when others thought that of me, thats what they should think of.... but he told me something more valuable than that...he told me that I was a girl of quality, a girl of substance and that I deserved to be treated so well and that meant more than him telling me I was hot. I want to be known as a girl of quality, substance, strength, compassion and love. My prioriites and mindset are certainly changing and that is the impression and legacy I want to live and leave behind me.
One other interesting thing happened this week...talked to a guy I used to date a few years ago and he said something to me that impacted me so huge! I used to think I wanted to be known as beautiful or the hot girl and that when others thought that of me, thats what they should think of.... but he told me something more valuable than that...he told me that I was a girl of quality, a girl of substance and that I deserved to be treated so well and that meant more than him telling me I was hot. I want to be known as a girl of quality, substance, strength, compassion and love. My prioriites and mindset are certainly changing and that is the impression and legacy I want to live and leave behind me.
Anyways, this week has been a little slower in terms of my working outcause I’ve still got this silly cold but I’ve been trying to sleep it off whichis good. But, you know whaat I havn’tdone – I haven’t gone off my healthy eating plan. I think I cheated once this week – I had awerthers. So, that’s pretty good if youask me J It’s progress, hugeprogress for me!
I’m a work in progress, my target is constantly changing, my plan changesregularly but what matters right now is that I keep moving forward, take holdof the things I can change and let go of the things I can’t and embracing all of who I am…curves and all.
I’ll leave you with one of my new found favourite verses that I discoveredthis week…
(7:2) "..... The curves of your thighs are likejewels, the work of the hands of a master craftsman." -Song of Solomon 7:1
I hope you all have a great week and can get something out of this for you if nothing other than encouragement that even when things aren’t perfect in life, you can still be happy, you can still have a bounce in your step and you can achieve your dreams, one day at a time!
I hope you all have a great week and can get something out of this for you if nothing other than encouragement that even when things aren’t perfect in life, you can still be happy, you can still have a bounce in your step and you can achieve your dreams, one day at a time!
