It’s been a while since my last blog….The last few months
have certainly brought about a lot of change!
This blog started off documenting my weight loss journey and
things in my life have certainly shifted.
Do I still have my goals – yes!
Unfortunately, I’ve had some major limitations still with my back but
I’ve been seeing another new chiropractor the last few weeks and I’m finally
seeing some more progress. July
and August were tough months – my ribs kept popping out of place making it
painful to do anything including breathe – hence another new chiropractor. Her instructions to me were to stop
working out – and I’ve had to force myself to listen.
Typically, this would pretty much devastate me however its
caused me to dig into some places in my heart I haven’t gone before. I’ve come to some pretty big
conclusions as a result. My
priority right now is making sure my heart is healthy (it’s physically healthy,
I mean emotionally) and getting to the place where I am pain free.
Through some recent events the last few weeks I have also
discovered that I’m actually alright.
I am fun, outgoing, passionate, energetic, hard working and beautiful
and I really need to stop being so
hung up on my weight cause it appears that no one else seems to be hung up on
it. I’ve tried to work on
improving my self image pretty much all my life but this month has been pretty
big in improving my self image.
People aren’t going to love me anymore than they do when I’m
‘skinny’. I’ve been obsessing over
it without actually realizing it – pretty much my entire life.
I keep thinking that others will love me more when I like
the way I look. Big problem with
that – I need to love me for me – for who God created me to be. Does that mean I stop being healthy –
heck no! I will focus on getting
my body in good working order (pain free, and my insides – both emotionally and
chemically – I’ve started seeing a naturopath to help with that) and I will
make wise choices – eat healthy and balanced and stay as active as my body will
allow. I will follow the direction
of my chiropractor – she’s actually pretty confident she can get me pain free
which is the first time a professional has told me that. She will work on
getting me pain free and then rebuilding/re-strengthening my body. This entire discovery has taken a huge
weight off my shoulders and I don’t feel quite as intense about things in
general.
Something else that has taken a huge weight off my shoulders
is the fact that my divorce is official official – like for real. I received my final papers at the
beginning of August and last weekend my 31 days hit which means that my divorce
is final. I am free! This came a lot sooner than expected –
from the date that divorce was filed to the date it was completely finalized
was less than 5 months – that’s like unheard of. It’s brought forth a lot of emotion – obviously but I’m
thankful it’s done. I’m in a
better place for sure. I still
have some work ahead of me…I don’t’ know what it’s like to be in a healthy
relationship. I’ve only known
something that is unhealthy, abusive, controlling with absolutely no trust or
no reason to trust.
So what does the future hold for this girl….Well I have no
idea frankly but here is what I do know.
My heavenly father has watched over me and has kept me safe through all
this. He has been faithful and has
redeemed me and situations in my life beyond anything I ever expected. He has brought people in my life to be
there for me, encourage me along the way, help me pick up the pieces and start
over, people to speak into my life and mentor me and he’s brought people in my
life to help remind me how to have fun and be who He created me to be – I lost
the real me for almost 5 years but I’m back and I think I’m actually an
improved model of the old me – think of the new iPhone lol.
A few weeks ago I felt really stuck. I’ve just been in survival mode really
and waiting for things to be finalized so I could close off everything on that
chapter of my life. I talked to my
wonderful mom about how I was feeling and she had me to a really great
exercise. She told me to write out
my dreams, hopes and Desires. I
hadn’t really thought of any of that in a long time because I was just trying
to work through so much and get through what I was going through. Now it’s time to dream big and start
reaching for those dreams. One of
those dreams is to be a wedding/event planner and a few weeks ago I did a
wedding and I’m doing my first paid wedding in June and trying to figure out
how I can do some more events on the side. It’s pretty exciting.
I have a few more things I want to do and I’ll slowly work towards those
things.
I am hopeful, I am happy, I am free, and I am beautiful just
the way that I am. I’m excited to
see what my future holds and see where my journey takes me. I am going to stop holding onto my past
and letting it determine my future.
It’s time to move forward with all life has for me.
The next month or so I have so much enjoying of life to do –
My divorce party (this wasn’t my idea but I might as well celebrate my freedom
and new lease on life), baseball tournament, Cuba with my bestie, Wine tour
with my girls for our 30th birthday…this is not a life of someone
who wallows in their pain – this is the life of someone who has so much joy, reason
for living and someone who has peace.
I hope that one day I will be able to share with young girls
my journey and help them work through some of the issues I’ve had to work
through (and am still working through).
There has been so much pain as a result of a lot of my own choices and
the choices that others have made that have affected me and if I can use that
pain and the joy that has come out of the sorrow to help some others get
through things sooner than I did so they can live life to the fullest.
A special thanks to all those in my life who have been there
by my side through everything and who are still there. I am beyond grateful for all the
support, love and care I’ve had.
God has truly blessed me beyond words!
That’s it for now…stay tuned for what the future holds
I’ve included some pictures of some of the fun I’ve had the
last few months
