It's been just over a month since my last blog and a lot has happened....I never knew that #1 I could handle so much change, #2 would enjoy the change, #3 be up for more of it and #4 not knowing what to expect but totally being ok with it.
Well what has happened....
- I found a new apartment in the city (less than 10km from my work). It has everything I was looking for - all inclusive price including utilities, cable, internet and laundry. Its by the highway but close to work. I'll be attempting to bike to work - that will be interesting but will be good for my weight loss goals considering its 20km a day and I"ll be going to the gym on the way to work...scored a wicked deal for Goodlife.
- My ex-husband actually filed for divorce and I was served 2 weeks after he filed. This is kind of a big thing...typically the first part takes 2 months and this took 2 weeks....so it should move along quickly. How the whole situation went down really made me realize it really is time to move on - even though I was his wife and he asked me how old I was while he was filling out the forms - he put my wrong age (2 years younger than I actually am) and my wrong birth year - just goes to show he didn't really pay attention to details about me but I don't say that because I"m bitter...I say that because it makes me want to move on and be with someone who cares about even the small things. He also had his mother serve me divorce papers rather than paying someone to do it. Which really wasn't fair because I had to see both his parents and it just went to show that he's still getting his mom to do everything for him. Again - not bitter, just really made it easier to receive my divorce papers and not cry and move on.
- We put the house up for sale and 2 weeks later sold the house - closing date is July 4th
- Helped an amazing charity that I support put on a gala at the beginning of the month. It was a great success and I'm so blessed to have met some amazing people through all the prep.
- I've met a lot of amazing people in the last couple months. I'm just amazed at the people that God has brought into my life. I've been blessed by so many of them!!!
- I started seeing yet another chiropractor - I think this one was the 8 or 9th I've tried since my car accident...I've had 2 sessions and the feeling of hot knives constantly stabbing me in my shoulder blades seems to have gone away and I can breathe. So I"m optimistic. During the assessment she checked out my thyroid and thinks something might be wrong so I'll have to get that checked out. But I'm hopeful that this chiropractor will help and one day I will not live in pain every single day.
The one thing that I'm not so proud of in the next month is that I've sort of let go of my weight loss determination and not that this is an excuse or anything....but my back, neck and shoulders have been pretty bad the last 2 months and I'm finally starting to feel a little better....soooo no more lack of working out and no more of not sticking to a proper healthy diet.
I feel pretty crappy when I"m not eating clean so that's a good reason alone to get back at things. I will work on my diet this week and next and working up my bike riding to get ready for my new commute that starts in less than 2 weeks. I will not give up, I will keep going even though there have been some pretty large set backs.
Once my move happens, things will get a little easier in terms of my workouts....I'll be biking 20km/day and in the gym 5-6 days a week because I will have time and I will not have a 4 hour commute everyday....My life is about to get very, very different and I'm super stoked!!!!
I've also spent a lot of time this month reading and journaling...maybe one day I'll write a book lol. One of the things I've spent a lot of time studying is how our names hold such meaning. In the Bible peoples' names were very significant and they 'grew into' their names. It certainly got me thinking....my married name was Greaves...no wonder I spent 5 years 'greaving'....my says of grieving are over. That is no longer my name. I really felt like I should start reading some more on what my name means...Sarah...well it means princess. As a little girl I loved that my name meant princess but with my ex he made me feel like it was a bad trait to have or bad persona to carry. But, I am a princess, I'm a daughter of the King of Kings. And thats great! But I started to take it a little further...how are princesses supposed to be treated - I wasn't treated very well by my ex and was put down a lot and it was really abusive. But also, I didn't treat myself very good. And I don't want to do that anymore. It's time to care for me. Not only so that I'm confident but also so that I'm able to give back to others.
I also started reading about Sarah in the Bible. God had promised her a child even though she was barren. She ended up trying to take that promise into her own hands and gave her maidservant to her husband to have a child. But that is not what God meant for her. He has promised to give her a child. I did what Sarah did and her husband Abraham had a child with her maidservant - Ishmael ...I tried to take things- about being with a man- into my own hands and it turned out horrible and caused immense pain, sorrow and sadness. But, like Sarah in the Bible, I've given all of me back to God. I will trust him to work things out for me and I know that I can trust him to work everything out and fulfill his promises in my life and for him to restore the 5 years that I lost. God has been restoring things that I would have never imagined and despite even being served divorce papers, I haven't cried. I know that my father in heaven has got this and He's got me in the palm of his hands.
I know this post isn't over exciting but a lot has happened and despite how hard this month could have been, it wasn't and I'm still standing and I'm ready to keep going. Truthfully, I feel better on the inside than I have in my entire life. I'm free, I'm strong, I've got so many blessings in my life and I'm working through all the 'stuff' I need to work through. I'm not sweeping any of it under the rug...I'm not leaving any stone un-turned. Now it's time to tackle the outward portion me some more. It's all about balance, getting back up when you get knocked down, dusting yourself off and keep on keeping on.
And even though I may have gained 5 lbs or so...I'm still beautiful inside and out and that is the first time that I have ever been able to say that in my entire life! I'm content and I'm at peace and I love me! Again, I don't say any of this because I have a big head - if you know me...you know I'm not like that. I have never been able to say that I am beautiful and that I love myself until the last couple months. I'm proud of me.
Remember to never give up on yourself. Remember that the darkness will not always remain - things will get better - the sun will come out tomorrow. Keep your head held high and take one step at a time.
Peace out all!
Sarah
Here are a couple pictures from the past few weeks
A friend did this for me...I loved it so I thought I'd share :) Fast & Furious 6 comes out this week!
New Glasses....different look for sure!
Me and my fav little guy! It's going to be hard not to live with him anymore...I move out the day before he turns 3 :( Auntie Sarah is going to miss you little guy xoxo
Brianna and I with Cinderella at the WINGS Gala on May 11th
Zucchini lasagna - replaced noodles with Zucchini - so yummy!
Me and Brianna again
Kat and I at a friend's Basketball party - enjoying being back to me!
Mom and I on our way to Buffalo this past weekend - had a great time together
